This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
