dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize