just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
