god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
