No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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