Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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