speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Two words: blizzard sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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