All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
