areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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