She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize