i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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