i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
