Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
