it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
