Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
