i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
