My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
