And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
