i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize