I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
