I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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