Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
