Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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