I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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