you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
These tits shall not be calmed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
