I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
