hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
