went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
