Do vagina's smell?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
