just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My pussy is not your playground.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
