I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
