dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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