Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize