I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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