shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
