I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
