You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
