you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
