Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
