It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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