i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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