Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize