and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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