In America we eat man semen.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
