i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
