david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
