Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
