Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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