Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
