one might say we're banned from that church
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
