I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need water and some morals
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
