you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
