I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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