I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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