Its about making memories worth repressing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
