3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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