So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
