the new term for farting is butt boxing.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
