Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
