you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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