We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
