Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
