Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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