i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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