This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
