Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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