I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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