and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
