I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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