my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
