I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
