when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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