Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
