I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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