Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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