Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
