how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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