there's paper in my vomit.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
