I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
