somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
