She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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