I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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