I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
