I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize