New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
