im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
