areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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