Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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