do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
