I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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