I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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