and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
