my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just google imaged poop.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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