Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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