Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
