Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
